Monday Night Solutions

Schedule 2005

JANUARY 2005

(The final 3 parts of a 5 part series on "Who's Pushing Your Buttons?")

January 3, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Resources: God, Your Life, and Your Stance In approaching the difficult person in your life, you have more power and choice than you think! In this presentation, Dr. Townsend introduces the first three of seven key resources you can draw on as you create a change environment for your button pusher. He’ll explain why you can count on God’s help, and how to work with not against God in handling a difficult person. You’ll learn how your “getting a life” can actually help your button pusher to change. Lastly, Dr. Townsend will describe some basic “stances” to take—attitudes that will center you, direct your choices, and maximize the odds that your button pusher will be responsive to you.

January 10, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Resources: Your Team and Your Words Who are the safe-and-sane people you can turn to for support, or for a reality check when you need one? Your “team” is an indispensable resource when it comes to changing your relationship with a difficult person. Let Dr. Townsend show you ways in which your team can help. Next he’ll turn the spotlight on another powerful resource that is right at the tip of your tongue: your words. Your button pusher most likely needs to hear your words in order to change. Dr. Townsend will discuss several aspects of “having the talk” so you can prepare to do it in the most effective way. MNS-682

January 17, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Resources: Actions, and the Process Sometimes, when dealing with a button pusher, love and words aren’t enough—the person doesn’t respond to what you ask for. What then? As we wrap up our series “Who’s Pushing Your Buttons?” we’ll explore two more valuable resources available to us: our actions, and the process of time. Dr. Townsend will arm us with a wealth of practical steps, boundaries, and consequences we can apply to difficult situations. He’ll also answer a key question—how can we use time to advantage to help move our button pushers towards needed change? MNS-683

January 24, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Men and Women—Mars and Venus?
There is no doubt that men and women are very different creatures. We look at life and relationships differently. From a man’s perspective, women may seem to be from another planet, and vice versa! But often our perception of the opposite sex as is based on more than gender differences—it stems from our past romantic experiences, too. Add to that our experience of growing up with (or without) the opposite sex, and we can come away with some distinct but often confusing ideas about each other. All of our relationships can be affected by these perceptions. It’s important to know when we are “right on" and when we are “off base” in our assessments of the “other” people in our lives. Married or single, join us and learn helpful ways to sort through what’s real and what’s not when it comes to the opposite sex. MNS-684

Getting Good Loving
(a seven-part series based on the best-selling book “Safe People”)
Who doesn’t want “good loving”? It sounds great, but in reality it’s much more complicated than you’d expect. Getting good loving depends on our connecting with people who are good for us. Unfortunately, our emotions or a lack of discernment often gets in the way of our ability to see clearly who is good for us and who isn’t. And what if we find ourselves related to or working with people who aren’t what we would call safe—how do we handle these situations? To further complicate matters, some of us may believe that as Christians we ought to accept other people’s behavior no matter how it affects us. But is this what the Bible really recommends? Character discernment is essential if we want healthy relationships, and the Bible contains the keys to developing it. Join us for this enlightening series, and learn to recognize the “bad boys and girls” in your life.

January 31, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Who’s Bad and Who’s Not
To begin our series on safe people, Dr. Cloud will give us an overview of the subject, explaining why relational safety is essential to loving, fulfilling relationships, and defining the issues that keep getting in the way of safe relationships. We will begin to get a picture of what the “bad boys and girls” look like, and be able to hear what their words and actions really tell us. When we hear things like “He doesn’t listen to me” or “She tries to control me,” it’s important to recognize that these may be indications of bigger problems. We will start to hone our character discernment skills by distinguishing between the three types of “unsafe” people many of us encounter. Dr. Cloud will also help you answer the question, Are these people really unsafe, or are they just imperfect people in an imperfect world? Don’t miss this series—your relationships depend on it! MNS-685

FEBRUARY 2005

Getting Good Loving - CONTINUED
(a seven-part series based on the best-selling book “Safe People”)

February 7, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Dangerous Liaisons Getting involved with unsafe people can prove dangerous to our emotional, financial, and even physical health. There are few of us who have never been hurt in a relationship. If we are fortunate, the damage we’ve sustained has been minor. But for some of us, there have been times when we were completely blindsided by people we thought were safe. While we can’t completely avoid being hurt, we can avoid trusting the wrong people. Dr. Townsend will describe many of the personal and interpersonal traits that define an unsafe person. Armed with this list of traits, you will more easily know both who to avoid and how to handle the unsafe people you can’t avoid. If you’ve ever had trouble figuring out who would be safe to open up to, this is the night for you. MNS-686

February 14, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
It’s a Jungle Out There! Why are we so often surprised when we are used, deceived, or manipulated by the people we count on? We may be well aware that the world is not a safe place, yet we sometimes continue to trust people who are untrustworthy, simply because we care for them. Does this mean we have to stop caring for them? No, but we do need to stop allowing them to hurt us, understand where we went wrong, and learn why we continually find ourselves in unsafe relationships. We cannot change the imperfect world we live in or the people we care for, but there is a way we can make a difference. Beginning to understand our own needs will move us toward healthier relationships in the future. MNS-687

February 21, 2005 - No Monday Night Solutions

February 28, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
I Just Wanna Be Loved Are you tired of being upset or hurt by the people in your life? If so, you will want to join us for this presentation. Picking up where we left off last week, we will finish unpacking the reasons why we choose unsafe relationships. There are many, and we will examine these. Some are more alluring than others—“romanticizing” and “defensive hope,” to name just two, and these two alone are enough to keep you trapped. You can break free, but you must search out real answers and avoid the many false solutions people have tried or are tempted to try. So don’t give up on that relationship just yet—come and hear some real solutions to those difficult relationship problems. MNS-688

MARCH 2005

Getting Good Loving - CONTINUED
(the final three parts of a seven-part series based on the best-selling book “Safe People”)

March 7, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Lonely Hearts Club A broken heart is reluctant to trust again. If we’ve been hurt in the past, we may hesitate to reach out to people. Our first instinct may be to just avoid relationships, and for a while, being lonely may seem better than being hurt. However, in the long term, isolation only makes our relational problems worse. In this fifth week of our “Safe People” series, we will look at why we isolate and what is needed to heal a broken heart. There is more to it than being able to recognize unsafe people; one must also be able to recognize safe people. We will begin examining the three important characteristics of safe people. Join us and learn how to guard your heart from unnecessary pain. MNS-689

March 14, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Fill Your Tank with Love! Continuing our series, Dr. John Townsend will help us understand why having safe people in our lives is so vitally important. Relationship provides more than just comfort and joy—it is fuel for a full and productive life. Though at first it may seem obvious why we need safe people, we may be surprised to discover other less obvious but equally important reasons. It follows, then, that we need to recognize not only the unsafe people in our lives, but also the safe people. So where can we find safe people? Where can we fill our tanks with the right kind of love for our journey through life? Come and find out! MNS-690

March 21, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Doing Love Right Now that you know so much more about safe and unsafe people, you’re no doubt eager for healthier, more intimate relationships. “Bring them on!” you’re thinking. First things first, however: before you embrace the next relationship or give an old one another try, you need to apply to yourself the same criteria you use to evaluate others. How safe are you? And before you even think of giving up on someone, you will want to carefully consider whether to repair or replace a relationship. Don’t miss this wrap-up of our “Safe People” series! Become part of the solution rather than part of the problem! MNS-691

March 28, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Anger Management Anger can range from slight annoyance to fury or rage. Annoyances can be brushed off easily enough; it’s the fury and rage that we don’t always know how to handle. Whether you are the one always ready to boil over, or the one always taking the heat, anger can cause you problems. Considering a solution like anger management may be worthwhile—but is it the whole answer? Let’s take an in-depth look at anger, uncover the underlying causes of it, and come up with actual solutions to the anger problem—solutions that really work! MNS-692

APRIL 2005

More Love…
A special 8-part series

It’s only natural to desire a lasting, fulfilling relationship, but getting one and keeping it can be more complicated than we anticipate. How we act and respond within the relationship is critical to its success, yet so often, not knowing what it takes to have successful relationships, we react rather than respond, and the results are messy and unpredictable. As long as you are unaware of the ingredients needed to bind one’s heart, mind, and soul to another person’s, achieving a fabulous relationship will only be something you read about. You need an understanding of some simple principles, and a little practice. Whether you’re married or single, add these key ingredients to the mix, and what you’ll get is…more love!

April 4, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Close to You To produce more love, you need two people who are totally committed to drawing close to one another. Both people must be available to one another; otherwise, closeness is lost and sooner or later breaks down altogether. While you may long for this closeness, wanting it and getting it are worlds apart. So what can you do about it? And what if your partner is not as invested in the relationship as you are? What you need to learn is how to draw close in such a way that the other person feels drawn to move toward you. There is also a balance between not enough closeness and too much—you should be able to achieve closeness without losing yourself in the process. Let Dr. Cloud teach you how. MNS-693

April 11, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Trading Places Being able to understand another person’s world is critical. You may be thinking, “Well, sure—I know plenty about his (or her) world!” But to what extent are you able to get inside the other person’s heart, seeing and feeling things as that person does? If you will learn to “trade places” (figuratively, of course), you’ll be amazed at what this will do for you and your relationship! We predict that as you gain a deeper understanding of the other person’s world, both of you will begin to experience more love. Sound good? Then don’t miss out on this important ingredient of relational success! MNS-694

April 18, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Secrets ’n Stuff… Does the thought of sharing secret fears or hidden weaknesses give you a twinge of apprehension? Talking about things that are close to your heart is best done with the right person and under the right circumstances, but it is vital to any close relationship. When both people open up—about their failures and successes, fears, desires, opinions, hurts, longings, and dreams—it produces intimacy. Join us, and we will help you take the needed steps toward bringing your “secrets ’n stuff” into the light. You’ll be rewarded with renewed warmth and well-being in your relationships, a result well worth the risk! MNS-695

April 25, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Turn Me Loose Trying to control others, or feeling controlled by others—either one is a major deterrent to intimacy. Whenever one person controls another, it eventually causes the controlled person to resist the other’s attempts at closeness, and sooner or later, to pull away from him or her—the very opposite of what they both want to happen. The ability to let go and let others have their own space promotes a sense of freedom and joy that will draw people to you like a moth to a flame. If control is an issue in your relationships, don’t miss this night. You will discover that turning someone loose will set both of you free to be together! MNS-696

MAY 2005

May 2, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Trouble in Paradise If this were Paradise, there would be only perfect people in our world. But since we don’t live in a paradise (not yet, anyway!), some trouble in relationships is to be expected. So why is it, then, that we are hesitant or uncomfortable when it comes to talking about our imperfections or owning our mistakes? When someone lets us down and is quick to admit it, we feel a sense of relief, and we may well feel warmer toward the person. Yet still, when it’s our turn to own whatever is causing trouble in the relationship, we aren’t too quick to ’fess up! Let’s take a look at how one person's unwillingness to own his or her “stuff” may be the cause of trouble in Paradise. MNS-697

May 9, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
True Lies What do you do when people who matter to you tell “almost the truth, the partial truth, and a few things besides the truth”? Oh, there is some truth in their statements, enough to make the little lies easy to swallow—that’s what’s so confusing. Or perhaps they keep things from you, and you know it, but when you bring it up, they consistently react in a defensive manner. One thing is sure: intimacy can only happen if people are being truthful about what’s going on inside their hearts, minds, and souls. To get intimacy we must give honesty. What about you? Think you’re an honest person? You may be surprised to learn of the ways in which even you are not being totally honest. MNS-698

May 16, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Good Enough If you want your relationship to thrive and grow, you’ll need this essential ingredient in the mix. Acceptance, when you give it freely, promotes feelings of safety and trust in those around you. People who feel “good enough” when they are with you can relax. They can freely contribute their unique gifts, observations, and opinions without fear of being judged or laughed at, and the love between you will flourish. Without acceptance, the relationship is guaranteed to stagnate or even deteriorate. But with acceptance in the mix, you will have a long line of people clamoring to know you better! MNS-699

May 23, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Come as You Are Have you ever sensed, at times, that the person you are involved with is in some way a stranger to you? You know a part of them, but there is another part that is hidden. You don’t seem to have access to the whole person—the real person. Even closer to home, you may realize that at some level, you too are hiding or holding back parts of yourself. If this is the case, the connection you think you have is a mere illusion. Unless people share all aspects of themselves, intimacy cannot happen, and the good things that we want to share with each other are lost. Discover how to “come as you are,” bringing all of yourself into the relationship, and how to encourage others to do the same. MNS-700

May 30, 2005 - NO Solutions - Memorial Day

JUNE 2005

June 6, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Heartache All of us expect our significant relationships to generate good feelings that bring us a sense of safety and comfort. We count on this—it is one of the reasons we either seek a relationship or stay with the one we’re in. What we’re often not prepared for is the hurt or pain that comes along with these relationships as well. Even if we know enough to expect the hurt, it still seems to take us by surprise. Hurt is a natural result of closeness—expect it! But not all hurt in a relationship is necessary or good. Let us help you distinguish between good pain and bad pain. Yes, there is such a thing as good pain, and knowing this may help you handle the heartache. MNS-701

June 13, 2005 - Dr. Henry Cloud
Me Tarzan, You Jane! Our sexuality is a highly personal aspect of who we are, whether we are married or single. If you’re married and would like improve in the sexual arena, there’s something you ought to know: all other aspects of the relationship can affect the sexual experience. This means that there are a few things you can do to heat things up! If you are single, whether or not you are sexually active, you are no doubt giving this topic some thought. You may be struggling with how to be a sexual being without being sexually active. It’s not as difficult as you might imagine. Come and find out more. MNS-702

June 20, Come early for a BBQ, fun & fellowship 5$ - 6:00 p.m.

June 20, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling Ever had a friend confide in you about having “lost that loving feeling” for his or her partner? “We’re committed to one another, but we just don’t feel ‘in love’ anymore.” It’s a tough scenario, but not uncommon. You may even have faced this dilemma yourself and agonized over what brought your relationship to this point, and what to do about it. While it seems like there could be dozens of reasons for this loss of love, when you boil it all down, there are only a few. Join us and learn how to get back that loving feeling. MNS-703

June 27, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Affair of the Mind Nowadays, almost everybody knows of someone who has been devastated by a spouse’s unfaithfulness. Having an affair has disastrous effects: not only does it blow up the person’s marriage, but the children, extended family, and friends all experience the fallout. How does an affair capable of wreaking all this havoc begin? What are the reasons that people become involved in extramarital affairs? You might be surprised at the answer. You might also be surprised to learn that there are ways to “affair-proof” your relationships. If you’d like to know what they are, join us for “Affair of the Mind.” MNS-704

JULY 2005

July 4, 2005 – No Solutions - Independence Day

July 11, 2005 – Dr. Henry Cloud
Why Isn’t He (or She) “Into” You? Have you ever had the unpleasant feeling, in dating or in marriage, that your partner is nowhere near as interested in you as you are in him or her? While it may be unsettling, to say the least, this scenario is not all that uncommon. What are you to do when the person of your dreams just “isn’t into you”? Is it possible to change the dynamics of such a relationship? What would it take to bring about a change? Finally, how do you know if it’s time to cut your losses and move on to find someone who is into you? This topic will have value for everyone, married or single. Don’t miss it! MNS-705

July 18, Come early for a BBQ, fun & fellowship 5$ - 6:00 p.m.

July 18, 2005 – Dr. Henry Cloud
Why Are You “Into” Someone Who’s Not Into You? Last week we looked at the scenario in which one person is strongly attracted to another, but the attraction isn’t mutual. This week we will delve into why we may attract people who aren’t really “into” us (at least, not as into us as we wish they were!). There are a variety of reasons, and until we understand them, we will tend to repeat this pattern in our lives. Don’t miss this presentation: it can help change the course of a marriage or a dating relationship—either your current one, or the one down the road! MNS-706

July 25, 2005 – GUEST SPEAKER
Dr. Jill Hubbard, Co-Host, New Life Live Radio Program MNS-707

AUGUST

August 1, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Body Language: Shallow or Significant? Non-verbal communication. Intuition. Eye contact. Does any of it really matter? You bet it does! Studies have shown that body language can actually contradict verbal communications. If someone were to say “I love you” with dead-pan face, flat voice, and arms folded tightly across chest, would you be inclined to believe that statement? It is as important to learn to interpret non-verbal clues as it is verbal ones. It also pays to look at your own non-verbal communication. Could you be sending out signals you don’t intend? Join us for a crash course in body language. You’ll discover it’s not that shallow after all! MNS-708

August 8, 2005 – Dr. Henry Cloud
Protect Your Heart Wise people protect the things they value. They often do this by taking out an insurance policy—homeowners’ insurance, auto insurance, health insurance, life insurance, even pet insurance! But how about taking out “heart insurance”—protection for your emotions and innermost thoughts? Daily life can be risky, and relationships even more so. At one time or another, we may need protection against being used or abused. While we can’t avoid every problematic relationship, we can take steps to protect ourselves from people who don’t value our heart the way they should. Whatever your marital state, you can benefit from learning how to safeguard your heart. MNS-709

August 15, Come early for a BBQ, fun & fellowship 5$ - 6:00 p.m.

August 15, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Too Hot to Handle Physical attraction can be powerful in and of itself, but add to it some intense feelings of passion, and the heat can be overwhelming! With the right person, under the right circumstances, what could be better? But with the wrong person, under the wrong circumstances, passion and chemistry become a destructive force—as many of us have discovered. This combination alone is not a reliable indicator of whether or not a relationship is good for us. So how can you determine if that hot-and-bothered feeling is a healthy thing or a sign of unresolved issues? Join us to find out when “hot” is too hot to handle. MNS-710

August 22, 2005 – Dr. Henry Cloud
Analyze This and That… Ever been in therapy? Or maybe you’re considering going? Almost invariably, the reason for going to see a therapist has to do with relationship, even if there’s a clinical issue involved, such as depression or anxiety. Wouldn’t you love to get a sneak peek at how a therapist views a relationship problem? Now is your chance! Join us for a glimpse into the workings of a therapist’s mind—you’ll gain a valuable insight into the therapeutic process. What you learn may help you analyze your own situation. MNS-711

August 29, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Keeping Hope Alive When our lives are filled with expectation and anticipation, life is worth living. Looking forward with hope adds color and dimension to life; few other states of mind are as uplifting or inspiring. On the other hand, how many times have we hoped for a certain outcome in our relationships, and our hope has been disappointed? It is sometimes hard to know whether and when to keep on hoping. Get the real scoop on hope—when to hang on and when to let go. MNS-712

SEPTEMBER

September 5, 2005 - No Solutions - Labor Day

September 12, 2005 – Dr. Henry Cloud
Quarantine Your Weaknesses If your goal is to NOT succeed, you have it made: no need to find new ways to fail—the old ways are working just fine! Absurd, you may say. Who would want to fail? However, we sometimes beat a well-worn path to failure when we really need to blaze a new trail to success! If you truly want to overcome in the areas you struggle with, it may be time to try something different. Whether the problem is a difficult relationship, a weight problem, out-of-control finances, or a general lack of discipline, you will benefit by discovering how to “quarantine your weaknesses” so you can finally succeed. Learn a new approach to an old problem! MNS-713

September 19, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Losing My Religion Did you grow up in an environment that was overly religious and legalistic? Was the Bible used as a weapon to keep you in line or frighten you into behaving a certain way? An experience like this may have turned you off to all things religious. It’s possible you turned your back on God because of it. When religion is misused, it’s often God who gets a bad rap. Join us and discover how freeing it is to learn who God really is and why some people use him as a weapon. If you have ever been injured by a person or group of people who have crazy theological ideas or a rigid belief system, you won’t want to miss this powerful presentation! MNS-714

September 26, 2005 - Dr. John Townsend
Fight or Flight? A person’s feelings about confrontation can produce anything from a mild case of nerves to a full-blown anxiety attack. Some of us overreact, some underreact; some of us just run away. What if we realized that learning to confront can make us better friends, lovers, spouses, parents, bosses, and employees? What if we viewed confrontation as a key ingredient in all healthy relationships and understood it to be a gift to the person on the receiving end? Perhaps we wouldn’t be so quick to run the other way… You can learn how to turn a potentially negative confrontation into a positive experience. Fight and flight are not our only options; come and find out more! MNS-715

OCTOBER