Not long ago, I was talking with the CEO of a small company, finding out how he was doing in his business and his personal life. “How are things going in your personal relationships?” I asked him. “Do you think you have enough good quality connections?”

“Sure I do,” he answered. “I’ve got some really great friendships.”

"That’s good.” I paused. “And how many of those friends would you say are acquainted with your personal needs, dependencies, and weaknesses?”

Now it was his turn to pause. He was a thoughtful person, and finally he said, “Well, probably none of them. I mean, I enjoy spending time with them, and I also help support them in their lives. But bringing up my own personal stuff?—that’s a little hard for me.”

I had suspected as much. “This is probably a good growth point, then, for your own work and life,” I suggested. “You need some people who will not only open up to you but will let you open up to them: you need some two-way relationships.”

By the time the conversation ended, I could see the man understood. My words had hit their mark, and in the months to follow, he went to work on building some two-way relationships and in doing so may well have prevented some train wrecks in both his personal life and his career.

Leaders often share a common weakness: they tend to be better givers than receivers. That is, the role of leadership has the power to skew you toward being so focused on giving support, help, encouragement, and grace to others that you neglect your own needs. Certainly, being a giving person is a good thing. Giving is modeled for us by God, the Giver of Life. The second greatest commandment is that we love others as ourselves (Matt. 22:39). However, we can’t give to others what we don’t possess. You can’t provide from an empty cup: “What do you have that God hasn’t given you?” (I Cor. 4:7, NLT).

You’re no different from the people you care about at work, in your family, and in your daily life—you too need the same things you provide for them. Here is a list of a few things we all need; read it and ask yourself, Am I reaching out for and receiving these, as well as providing them?  

• Grace: someone being “for” you—that is, on your side
• Love: someone you can go to when you’re feeling down, lonely, or isolated
• Acceptance: someone who, knowing your faults and weaknesses, cares about you anyway
• Safety: someone who won’t judge or condemn you but will understand your failings and walk alongside you
• Comfort: someone who will pick you up when you are discouraged
• Truth: someone who will give you feedback and guidance when you need it

This is a tough assignment for leaders! As you begin to develop your more vulnerable side, you might wonder if you’ll be seen in a negative light by others, or if needing these elements will somehow disqualify you from leadership. You may hold to the belief that leaders need to be strong all the time. Check these perceptions out with a healthy, growing leader whom you respect and admire. I’m willing to bet that person will tell you, “It’s just the opposite. A large part of my success is due to my having people I can open up to. In opening up, I find the strength, acceptance, motivation, and direction I need to carry on.”

So take a good look at all those one-way, all-giving relationships in your life, and start adding some lanes in the opposite direction! God bless.