Ask most leaders about the qualities they admire in others, and usually “humility” will come up on the list somewhere. It is a quality that is sometimes difficult to define, but we know it when we see it. It has the marks of genuineness, authenticity, respect, and a quiet power. We know it also by what it does not have, things like grandiosity, arrogance, the quest for power or admiration. The humble leader is strong, yet somehow not needing to have it all be about him or her.

But if you are seeking humility as a leader, how do you do it? There are several things that are helpful, like honesty, for one. If you are really honest with yourself and others, things emerge that will certainly be humbling. Our failures, fears, and the times we really blow it will whittle away at any image we are trying to build of perfection or somehow being “above it all.”

Beyond honesty, though, there is one practice that is really helpful and relates directly to results: accurate self- assessment. Accurate self-assessment means having a true picture of ourselves, of our giftedness, talents, and abilities, alongside the inabilities and weaknesses that we possess as well. If we have a true picture of ourselves, it will do two things. First, it will cure us of our grandiose fantasies of being more than we actually are. And second, it will enable us to lead with strength in the areas where we are truly gifted. Listen to the advice of Paul as he describes what we should do:

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. (Rom. 12:3)

To not think more highly of yourself than you ought means two things that will save your leadership. First, it means to not think you are ready for things you're not ready for, or not gifted for. Many leaders have successes in one area of strength, and then they venture out into some territory they are not gifted in and fail. They let their grandiose fantasies get the best of them.

Successful leaders lead out of their giftedness and let the grandiose achievements come naturally out of what they are truly good at doing, not what they wish they were. The leaders who accomplish great things are more often surprised by the results, not by the actual task that they were doing. They are usually already operating in areas they know they are gifted at, and as they do that diligently, God provides the growth. Theirs was not a leap into megalomania!

Second, it will save you from the brutal attack of your grandiose expectations as well. You will not be crushed by the “You should be doing better or more than you are, you loser!” kinds of messages. Those can come both from comparing yourself to others who have totally different gifts, contexts, or resources, or from comparing yourself to your own grandiose expectations of yourself. As Paul says, don’t do that. Compare yourself to yourself and your true giftedness.

This does not mean to not dream big, or to not have vision. Have big dreams! There is no limit to what God can do through you. But it does mean that your big dreams should be connected to the reality of who you are and what you are good at and gifted to do. Own your strengths, and then operate in them.

The other side of that is to stay out of the areas you are not gifted in or not ready to handle. Find others to come alongside you and bring those gifts to the picture. You were not made to do it all. That is another part of getting a sober estimation of yourself, gathering others to help you do what you do not do well.

So, humility is really about just being yourself after all. It is not about self-deprecation and putting yourself down, denying your strengths or accomplishments. It is about knowing who you are and acting out of that giftedness and identity. It is about not trying to be who you are not, and not having expectations about yourself that are not related to reality.

That is the best way to “get small.” Get smaller than your grandiose expectations, and in that way you will find your real set of gifts and strengths. You won’t be out on a limb somewhere where you don’t belong, nor will you be crushed by your own expectations. You will be in the “sweet spot” of doing what you are good at and then discovering that there is no limit to what God can do with that. That is the best way to be “small.” Just be yourself, and do what you do well. The rest is up to God. Dream big, HUGE, dreams. But have them be connected to something you do well.

 

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Here is an excerpt from How People Grow to whet your appetite:

The Truth of Our Condition. Our condition is that we all have to grow. Everyone has weaknesses, sins, immaturities, and brokenness. Most of us are aware that we aren't perfect people. However, true growth occurs when we are able to discover what our own particular issues of growth are, which areas of our lives need God's healing and maturing. In other words, all of us need to be in the path of living the life of God: dependence on him, relationship with others, productive jobs and careers, ministry, and character growth. This is universal. At the same time, we need to find out what areas we have fragility or a pattern of failure in and bring those into the growth process also. Spiritual growth requires certain ingredients to work correctly. Here are some of the things people need:

• A spiritual context where God is seen as central to growth

• Abiding human relationships that are loving and truthful

• Experience and competence in the particular areas of growth

• Enough time for the process to take hold

• A structure or framework that fits the needs of the grower

Whatever people are working on, they need to know what activities to engage in to bring about the fruit of growth. We need not only to know the truth about ourselves, but also to act on it.

(How People Grow, ch. 17, "Facing Reality: How Truth Deepens Growth," pp. 322-3)

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