I was in a management meeting as a consultant when something happened that seemed somewhat normal. The CEO and one of the VPs got into a little bit of a forceful exchange. It was strong, but not hurtful in anyway, just two “strong” personalities kind off “going at it.” I actually was finding it interesting.

But, slowly, something different emerged. They were increasingly getting into a circle of communication that I could tell no one was gaining anything from. Neither of them was listening to the other, or taking in new information. Neither one’s perspective was being altered at all by what the other was saying. They were just going around in a circle, and getting increasingly hyped-up. I started to get the feeling that this was not the first time this had occurred.

Then, I looked around the table. The other members of the team were either looking down, or had that kind of glazed look over their eyes that spoke of anything other than being involved. They had left the meeting, still sitting in their chairs. At that point, I stopped the meeting and asked a question. “Does this happen often?”

When I asked the others why they were not talking, they responded with some interesting answers that led to the team getting to an entirely different place. Basically, with the exception of one, they had to admit to sitting on their opinions in most meetings, and not speaking up. While space is limited here to go into all the dynamics of “why,” the main reasons fell into a few categories:

1. “I am more of a processor and take time to think. Those two are more quickly expressive, and so it always comes down to them. By the time I have my thoughts really formalized, we are too far down the road and I just let it go.”
2. “I feel torn between the two of them and don’t want to be perceived as taking someone’s side against the other one. I like both of them and don’t want to get on either one’s bad side.”
3. “I am just kind of afraid to speak up for fear of being put down, or disagreed with, or having a dumb idea.”

Now, we could talk for a long time about how to help those individuals to develop and get over those fears. That is part of what we did in the following months of building a stronger team. But that is not the “leadership” piece. The leadership piece was for the leader to recognize that he gets into a “no-win” spot if he is too verbal and finds himself sparring with one or two members of his team, to the exclusion of the others. If he does, he will find the team divided as the team loses its group function and becomes a gathering of individuals where the strongest voice wins. And the others just unplug. Likewise, if you as a leader get pulled into being the “strong voice” and dominate the discussions, you lose what others can afford you and no longer have a team.

• Be on the watch and see who is not speaking up. Actively draw them in. “Susan, we have not heard your mind on this. What do you think?”

• Take a running tab (secretly in the margin of your legal pad) over the course of meetings and keep score on “word time.” See who is dominating and who is not speaking up. It is often the more silent ones who have the greatest wisdom, as they are more contemplative in nature and see more, but say less. They are observers, and not talkers, but have a lot to say if you bring it out.

• Monitor yourself in the process. It may be that you are not leading a team, but doing a monologue with an audience. You are a leader, and this may be your natural tendency. But if it is, you are losing out on some valuable wisdom from others that may save your bacon.

• And the big one: Bring this issue up to the team and discuss it. “Ok, I want to talk about something. How safe a place do you think our team is for discussing things? Does everyone feel ok with speaking their minds? What are we doing that keeps that from happening? How can we do better in hearing from everyone?” A good team not only does work, but also looks at how it does its work. Get the team involved in looking at itself and becoming a growing team together.

• Come up with some team values. Determine together what you want your team to live by in meetings. Respect for each other, everyone has a voice, etc. are good ones to begin with.

• If needed, hire a consultant. Get someone in with experience to help you get the most from your team. Have that person sit in on your meetings and become a coach to the team.

Remember, “There’s gold in those there hills.” You have a goldmine of ideas, problem solving, opinions, experience, and gifts around the table that can make or break your mission, profits, or whatever you are there to do. But, if your meetings are a place that keep those from emerging, you will have lost those and will not reach your goals. Worse yet, you could be headed for a mutiny. As a leader, lead. Lead everyone’s mind to the table. Find out what the silent ones think, and make it a place where they have a voice. You will gain in the end.

God bless.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

(2 Cor. 3:17)

A one-week
intensive workshop for leaders
with Dr. Henry Cloud
and Dr. John Townsend

Upcoming Ultimate Leadership workshop
in San Juan Capistrano, California

July 15 - 20, 2007

What one leader had to say about the Ultimate Leadership workshop experience...

How can I ever find the words to express my gratitude for all you and your team do behind the scenes to make the Ultimate Leadership workshop such a life-changing experience? In gratitude, I want to attempt to do just that.

It's innovative, it's interactive-          
         it's our new Solutions Web site!

www.solutionsonvideo.com

Take a moment to click on the link-we think you'll agree that this is a site with a lot to offer. It provides hundreds of video answers to questions on topics that are important to you: love, singleness, marriage, parenting, career, leadership, emotional struggles, and more. You can submit questions, participate in a Blog, build community online, and access endless free resources to help you navigate life. This new site is not a replacement for our Cloud-Townsend Resources Web site; it is a new resource we have added. Let us know what you think of it!

DR. HENRY CLOUD AND DR. JOHN TOWNSEND PRESENT THE ULTIMATE LEADERSHIP SIMULCAST SERIES-VIA SATELLITE!

In their ongoing work with hundreds of leaders, psychologists Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have identified issues and challenges relevant to leaders everywhere. A few years ago, they created Ultimate Leadership, a one-week intensive workshop designed to address these leadership issues. Workshops are held throughout the year in Southern California.

Now, in conjunction with CCN (Church Communication Network), Drs. Cloud and Townsend present a monthly simulcast series that continues and complements the leadership training offered in the Ultimate Leadership workshop. Each one-hour simulcast provides key leadership insights and practices, all solidly based on biblical principles of leadership and character development. Each is designed to help fulfill the desire all leaders share: to become better leaders!

Interested in bringing Dr. Cloud or
Dr. Townsend to your organization?
Please call (800) 676-HOPE (4673)
for information about creating an exciting event for your church or group!