Ultimate Leadership Newsletter

Next Ultimate Leadership
workshop
November 9 - 14, 2008 - This workshop will have a special couples group - click here for more information!
Attention Alumni: Be sure to register soon for the first Alumni Group of 2009 ! January 25 - 30

For details on these one-of-a-kind workshops, visit our
    Web site

About a year ago when my youngest daughter was five, she was quite upset one day about not getting to do something. She was whining and becoming increasingly upset. When I told her the answer was still no, she became even more upset. I walked over to her, stooped down to her level, and said, "I want you to go sit in the other room until you can calm down. When I hear you being quiet for two minutes, I will come talk to you, but not until you can be quiet." She was initially unhappy, but after a few minutes she quieted down. A few minutes later she yelled out, "OK, Daddy. I can talk now." The structure and limits that I gave her had helped her to contain her emotions and calm down. Through many experiences like that, children learn to contain themselves, and not lose it when they are distraught. Later in life, they can contain their own emotions in escalating situations. They can think and exercise sound judgment, impulse control, and proactive problem solving.
This function that I was giving her, containment, is one of the most important functions that a leader must provide to his people, his team, and the culture of the entire organization. When there is chaos in the team or the organization, toxic attitudes, or a crisis of some sort, the leader must step in and contain it. He or she must make sure that it does not spread, and instead give order to it all. Then, as he or she rights the ship, the people calm down. When a customer is "redlining" all over the place and is about to blow up the relationship, the person with the ability to contain does not react to the crisis; he proactively moves to contain and calm the customer's chaos and preserve the relationship. In that way, the leader has kept the emotion and chaos from turning into some impulsive reaction by the customer, such as moving the business somewhere else. In the church world, this could pertain to a donor, an influential member, an elder, or an alliance of some sort. A business might face this with an employee or other key person in the organization. Containment affects all sorts of leadership situations and relationships.
Are you that kind of boss? Account manager? Leader? Here is the central question:
Can you contain what should not be spreading and getting bigger?
That is what good, structured leaders do, through having and communicating their own boundaries. They calmly and firmly lend their own calm and structure to the person, people, or organization that needs it, so that their sense of calm infiltrates the crisis or the chaos. Other times, their containment puts limits not around chaos, but around toxicity that a particular person is bringing to the environment. Whether it is fear and chaos, or toxicity and destructive attitudes, the strong leader is able to contain it and keep it from spreading.
Many times in organizations, when there are changes or downturns, fear and uncertainty breed. Performance suffers because of the inability of the leader to offer the containment that is needed. He or she may be overwhelmed by the change and uncertainty, or merely lack the internal structure needed in order to be able to provide it for others. Either way, the inability of a leader to offer containment is a big problem.
One of the saddest situations I ever saw was a company whose incredibly talented management team was blown apart because of the leader's inability to contain one VP's toxic interpersonal style. This VP was haughty, communicated a "better-than-everyone" air, and was very divisive. She put down people whose ideas she disagreed with, and assumed the worst of others instead of waiting to find out the truth of what happened. Slowly, over time, she had eroded the unity that the team once enjoyed, and had significantly hurt a few individuals in particular.
I was called in because several people were about to leave, including possibly the CEO. The board had become divided in its commitment to him as a result of this woman's divisive influence. He had been there for five years, and up until that time had enjoyed a good relationship with the board and the team. But this one person's politics and back-biting had managed to get the best of him.
A leader with good boundaries would have put up a fence to contain her destruction and not let it spread. My first task was to help him find him his containing strength. Where was his "No!"? Where was his ability to differentiate from her, to stand separate and see what was going on and then take a stand and contain it? Where was his power? Somehow in the mix of it all, he had lost his mojo. When he finally found it, he stood up and began to lead again. He communicated to the team that he saw the problem and had called in some help to address it. They were all going to lock themselves in a room and not come out until they were a team again. By doing that, he said to them, "Enough! This is not going to destroy all that we have built. We are going to start moving in the right direction, and get back to being a team." When he did that, he sent a strong signal that the chaos was over, and things began to turn around. He contained the chaos, divisiveness, and toxicity. He stopped its ability to spread further, putting an end to it.
The need for containment in teams and organizations requires leaders to ask themselves a few questions:

1. What destructive influences should you be containing and not allowing to spread?
2. When you've encountered similar problems in the past, what did you do to contain the damage?
3. How have you seen others do this successfully?
4. What steps do you need to take to contain something going on right now in your team or organization?
5. Who do you need to help you?
6. What relationships do you need to bring along with you internally to build a critical mass to stand against the problem? Who do you have the kind of trust with who could help?
7. What fears have caused you to avoid this or what skills do you need to develop in order to face it and contain it?

Remember that people function well when they have a sense of security and order. In chaotic times, such as we are experiencing in our current economy, they need it even more. Begin to offer that by showing them that you are not going to allow any kind of destructiveness, fear, panic, or toxicity to infect your organization and its culture more than it already has. Let them know that someone is in charge, and they will all settle down and thrive. God Bless.
(For more about containment and other aspects of a leader's functions, see my book The One-Life Solution, Harper Collins, 2008, which expands on this article.)

	Words of Encouragement

Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent, and they will receive an inheritance that lasts forever. They will not be disgraced in hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough.
( Psalm 37:18-19 NLT )

	Ultimate Leadership Workshop

A one-week
intensive workshop for leaders
with Dr. Henry Cloud
and Dr. John Townsend

Upcoming Ultimate Leadership workshop
in San Juan Capistrano, California -
November 9-14, 2008 - (includes special couples group!)
Call soon to register!
Here's what people are saying about Ultimate Leadership ...
I have been in pastoral ministry for over twenty years and in my present parish for the past seven. While I have always experienced a measure of growth, satisfaction and success in the past, the increased challenges of ministry in my present parish had brought me to a growth impasse. I felt stuck and unable to get beyond where we were.
I began to recognize many of the same frustrations and blockages to growth as I had experienced in earlier settings. When I looked at the people and things that seemed to hold both myself and our parish back, I found that the common factor was 'me'!
I knew that I couldn't change or pacify all of the irritants in my life; I had already tried and failed for years. I knew that the charisma and adrenaline factor would not be enough to make it to retirement. Besides, I wanted to be about God's kingdom work and not just personal and congregational maintenance. I needed to know what might be in me that has continued to hound and hinder my personal and spiritual growth and that of my congregations over the years. Someone told me about Ultimate Leadership and I decided to try it. I was not disappointed in the least!
I would recommend UL to any pastor, priest or minister who is struggling with reoccurring frustrations in their life and ministry. UL helped me pinpoint the problem in my own life, take responsibility for it, and develop an action plan to begin to deal with it. It has given me a fresh start and hope in my mid-life years and ministry.
The Rev. John Paul Westin
St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada
For more reviews...

	Dr. Henry Cloud's latest book - The One-Life Solution

 
Visit our new and improved Store          
         on the Cloud-Townsend Web site!
www.cloudtownsend.com
Have you seen Dr. Henry Cloud's most recent book The One-Life Solution? You can read more about it on our website - this book is a must-read not only for leaders, but for anyone wanting to find a healthy balance between work and personal life!
In The One-Life Solution, bestselling author Dr. Henry Cloud examines the workplace. Through engaging real-world examples, Dr. Cloud shows us how to construct and enforce better boundaries against the technological devices, bullying bosses, and distracting coworkers who invade our time and space.

	Southern California's Faith Works Leadership Conference

Do You Struggle With How to Apply Scripture to Your Work?
Attend the
Southern California's Faith Works Leadership Conference
Friday, October 10, 2008 | 8:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Irvine Barclay Theatre| 4242 Campus Drive, Irvine, CA 92612
A full day of insights from 6 of America's top Christian business leaders! Click here for more information.
Save $10 off per ticket - Go online and enter Promo Code: FWL

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	Ultimate Living Tour

The Ultimate Living Tour is coming to a city near you! Don't miss this opportunity to hear from Dr. John Townsend or Dr. Henry Cloud-live and in person!
When life works well it's not an accident. There are proven principles to making life happen successfully.
Living the Ultimate Life means success in four specific areas:
Freedom from hurts and pain that hold you back
Improving the quality of your significant relationships
Defining and reaching your goals and dreams
Connecting with God and deepening your spiritual life
In other words, the Ultimate life is full of good things and you are thriving in all these areas.
Now, in one event, you will learn secrets that will transform your life. You will discover how you can make Ultimate Living a reality!
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